Bully for Me

A long tenure in public schools provides me with the experience to make the following pronouncements and observations.

Bullying and harassment among school children has grown worse over the years for a number of reasons. One person's opinion on the why's will be forthcoming. As a special prize, that same person will propose solutions to the problem that no one will like.

First, the causes: bullying has escalated and become more vicious because our culture has lost its way, and because technology has enabled people to act hatefully and to solicit mob assistance with the click of a button.

Last year, I was party to an incident where one young girl was angry at another for failing to invite her to a party. The 'uninvited' girl sent a text message to everyone in her address book, asking them to attack the party hostess. On a whim, most of the recruits complied, sending hateful texts over the next 24 hours, though they were oblivious to the cause of the rift between the two girls. The hostess received more than 100 texts, at least two of which concluded by telling the jilted girl that she should die.

The girl's parents changed her phone number and placed her in a private school within a few days. The parents could not conceive of a response to the blitz bullying that would allow the girl to return to the environment that had given birth to such a devestating personal attack.

More than a few of the students were foolish enough to send texts from their phones with their names and numbers attached. In case after case, the students seemed genuinely surprised that their words had done so much damage. One of those who told the victim that she should die was sure the recipient would have to know that she was joking.

We live in a world where face-to-face accountability is not a constant expectation, nor even a regular feature of existence. We create profiles and character sketches that may or may not be true - and we interact with people whose identities and motives are just as dubious. As a result, we are paradoxically more and less available and accountable for our actions. Think about that. We believe ourselves to be shielded from retaliation for our remarks by geography - the other person is far away. However, the same technology that allows us to send the faceless vitriol can link that message to our phones, blackberries, and computers.

The solutions that no one will like are fairly simple. No child younger than 16 should carry a personal cell phone. When phone contact is necessary, young people should have a pre-paid phone with limited applications.

Likewise, no student younger than 16 should have unsupervised access to the internet or other communications technology. They can have monitored access to the internet for informational purposes, and parental controls should enable parents to block access to social networking sites. Your children don't need friends in Zimbabwe: tell them to get off their butts and find friends in the neighborhood.

Furthermore, parents and schools should begin training students in civility, courtesy, and propriety as early as kindergarten. The curriculum should be determined on the following basis - what is acceptable in regard to personal conduct with others must adhere to the golden rule. Of course, the areas of examination could fill three of four years' worth of instructional material, but we could spread it out over twelve of thirteen, so the children have more time to learn how to read and spell entire words.