Patience

My great aunt used to like to say that patience is a virtue. I always assumed then that the opposite, impatience, would be a sin. Ironically, I have decided lately that both can be virtues or sins, and that the context is the determining factor in every case.

Naturally, to be inclined to exhibit patience, generally speaking, is a good thing and probably a virtue. Yet I am not so sure that exhibiitng patience when it's not warranted isn't akin to maintining silence when the circumstances scream for you to speak up.

Helping to crystallize this conclusion is a story told by my son's girlfriend. While conducting a tour at the zoo, she encountered a bratty kid and an ineffective parent. Excited, the boy in the scene was just a bit out of control. The parent told the 8 or so year old to stop his outbursts. The child retorted by telling the father to stop his outbursts, and added to the reaction by punching his father repeatedly in the midsection.

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Nothing, really," she said. "We all just had to wait for the kid to calm down."

The girl exhibited great patience, as the tantrum continued for some five to ten minutes. I am convinced, however, that her patience wasn't a virtue. I suppose I can't ask her to reprimand the parent, though I might have, but she could have politely requested that the father leave the tour so all the other patrons could move along.

I know she, the guide, is a young adult, and that confronting adults can be difficult, but she needs to be trained to handle such things. Furthermore, I think the implicit patience on the part of the other patrons, some of whom must have been adults, is clearly a sin. Why couldn't they have spoken up on behalf of all the people involved?

Perhaps the reader's immediate reaction is disagreement on the grounds that the innocent bystander has no business telling anyone how to parent, but I find this argument silly and unsupportable. The tour was the business of all the parties, and this one pair was compromising everyone else's time and creating a distresing environment.

The larger point to be made is that I am not content with having one of the imposed-upon patrons speak up to address the annoying scene; I think they all should speak up! An individual who speaks up may run the risk of having to deal with an embarassed, offended parent. That same person, who might create an even larger scene when challenged, is more than likely not going to choose to pick a fight with the whole crowd.

An anti-bullying program I have been reading about is centered on teaching young people to utilize this group approach. The plan is to have the mob work for right and good by teaching them how to demand that that bully stop bullying for fear of having the group turn against him. Of course, the program says that others should show support for the victim, rather than trying to shout the bully down. But i think the reason the tactic can and does work is that the crowd, by standing up for the victim, is really ostracising the bully.

Think about it. The bully gains his power by the silence of the crowd, and increases his power if members of the crowd laugh, join in, or otherwise seem to support the power play.

As noted earlier, silence isn't always golden, especially when it serves as an avenue for someone to infer support for an action. Likewise, patience in not a virtue when waiting promises not to lead to a more favorable set of circumstances. In fact, being patient in some cases is really just cowardice. The same is true with impotent silence.

Put the two main themes together and we happen upon a great piece of advice: speak up now!